Disney dreams

Growing up, Beauty and the Beast was my favorite childhood movie. I loved the music, I loved the characters, I loved the story, I loved the enchanted rose, and most of all I loved Belle.

At 5 years old, my favorite characteristic of Belle was that she had brown hair like me, but eventually, I began appreciating her other characteristics such as her kindness, her bravery, her love of reading, and her selflessness. Belle’s goodness and light were so magical that they were eventually able to transform the bitter heart of the beast. Oh, and bonus - it paid off because the beast became a handsome prince and they lived happily ever.

I am disappointed to admit that growing up I had “Disney-colored” glasses through which I viewed the world. I did my best to play by the rules, make my parents proud, and follow the script that dictated how I would eventually meet my Prince Charming and live happily ever after.

Thankfully, in addition to this “Disney” view of my future, I also had the desire to educate myself, and I had a mother with a strong, intelligent, and independent personality as one of my greatest supporters and confidants. These gifts would eventually become the armor with which I would protect and ultimately save myself. Ironically, the thing I ended up needing saving from was my marriage and the guy I thought was my Prince Charming.

After a divorce and a couple years of healing and introspection, it was surprising to realize that these Disney dreams may never have been mine along. Discovering what we want from life, something that theoretically should be intuitive, is actually one of the hardest questions we will have to answer.

There is so much noise that we must constantly filter out from our family, friends and society that tell us what we should want and when we should want it. It’s easy to allow that white noise to keep us cruising through life on autopilot. I was for very long time. It took a traumatic life event to finally wake me up.

We are taught so many things as children, but the most important thing, which is learning how to honor our voices and desires, is often misguided or missed altogether. Those of us who do finally wake up have an important question to ask ourselves that can be hard to answer, especially if you've been living on autopilot. In the timeless words of Mary Oliver, “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”