What does parenting look like for me post-divorce? I get asked this question often and it's something I am still discovering, defining, and figuring out.
I can tell you that it means my bed is never empty on the nights my kids are with me, and I will always welcome their snuggles. Sometimes it looks like laughter shared only with myself, because there’s no one there to exchange those funny, fleeting moments about your kid with anymore that only their dad could understad and appreciate as much as I do.
Parenting now means being honest and vulnerable with my children in age-appropriate ways, showing them that imperfection is okay. It means giving them grace when they’re figuring it out and asking them to do the same for me. We’re discovering and creating new traditions together and reimagining life as a family of three instead of what was once supposed to be a family of four. It’s an adjustment for all of us.
It also means accepting that they have an entire other life with their dad—and I have a life that’s just mine when they’re not with me. I don’t know everything in real time anymore. They’ll come back saying something new, with a different interest or a new hobby, and it stings a little. That part is hard. Transition days are hard—for all of us. Not just me. Not just them.
But when they leave, I have the chance to refill my own cup. That time alone allows me to return as a more present, more engaged, more grounded mom. There’s always tension between missing them and learning to enjoy my time alone. That in-between is tricky. That part has gotten easier, but I don't know if it'll ever feel less complicated.
This isn’t the life I envisioned at all. It’s harder in so many ways. But it’s also a gift in ways I never expected. My kids are already learning how to live and be okay without me there all the time. And I’m learning how not to lose myself in parenting. I’m discovering that pouring into myself—my healing, my joy, my future—is also a way of pouring into them.
We're building something new together. It’s imperfect, it's messy, and it's hard, but I am so grateful that my kids will get to know the fullest, brightest version of me, a version that could have never shown up had I stay married to their dad. I firmly believe that kids don't need married parents in order to thrive. Having healthy and fulfilled parents is a privilege and I am honored to be on a journey where my kids